Living Hope Fellowship Church...Sermons From the Pastor
ABOUT
MARRIAGE
by Pastor Kevin Badgley
One of the most difficult places that human beings live, is in a marriage. This sermon is for married and unmarried people. It is for the young people, in the event that you might get married. I'm going to try to make it as quick, and as brief, and as painless as I possibly can, but, folks, some of this is painful.
We have a perfect example of a perfect marriage, even though the wife is a little contrary, when you look at Christ and the church. The Bible says that the church is the bride of Christ, and the bridegroom is Jesus Christ. Christ is coming for His bride, the church, a body without spot, or wrinkle, or blemish, or any such thing.
Jesus declared in Matthew 18:19, "Again I say unto you, That if two of you shall agree on earth as touching any thing that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven." That is the most powerful force of agreement in the world. In a marriage, two not only agree, but they are no longer twain, but one flesh. Matthew 19:6 says, "Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder." Mark 10:8 says, "And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh."
America's marriages are in catastrophic conditions. If fact, marriage around the world has become an old fashioned type of institution. Some people say, Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to be in a institution? It would be better to be in an institution with God than in the world with the devil. 1 Corinthians 7:9 says, "But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn." Therefore, if you can't contain, you had better marry, because fornication will send you to hell. Fornication is sex, without marriage making it honorable.
Young people have problems with lust today and are driven by the devil, because they think that it is fine to do so. Today, there is a lack of discipline shown by the young, middle aged, but also the older people. God teaches that we must have discipline. If you cannot contain, it is better to marry than burn. Some think that if they are "too young for marriage," they can sow their wild oats and not pay for it later. That is wrong. Another misinformation going around is that if you are "too old for marriage" you can sow your wild oats, think and behave like you want to, and it is ok.
Some of the most lustful people I have ever seen are in Nursing Homes. Many older people are tormented by the devil of lust. Just because a person had that trouble when he was younger doesn't mean that when he got older the thing left! You can be a 105 years old, and even though your body may not function, if you still have this devil of lust, you will go to hell.
Folks, God created passion and love, and Satan came along with perversion and lust. There is a natural force that God placed within every human being so that we would be interested in populating the earth. It was not given so that we would be driven excessively by it, but that we would be interested enough to marry, come into the law of the Lord, and bring forth children. In doing this, our lives, our people, and our generations wouldn't die. If we ceased to be, there would be no more generations to praise the Lord. That is why God placed it in the nature of men and women to desire to have one another, so that children could come forth.
The devil came along to make that desire more powerful, so that you will do what he wants, whether it is right or wrong. This is a lust spirit. When a person is driven to where they cannot and do not contain their affection, and they are driven to where they cannot control themselves, they need deliverance just like you would from alcohol, or any other driving force of the devil.
One of the most important agreements between two that can be, is the marriage between a man and a woman. The Bible outlaws and condemns men to marry men and women to marry women. The Bible says that this is confusion and abomination. Lesbianism among woman, and homosexuality among men is unconditionally cursed in the eyes of the Lord, both in the Old and in the New Testament. Having anything to do with animals is also an abomination, and under the law they used to stone them immediately. You see people trying to bring this across in the world now, and make it legitimate by numbers of people that participate in this behavior. Sodom, Gomorrah, and the other plain cities that were with them were almost universally sold out to sodomy, which is the Bible word for homosexuality. Although the majority ruled there, the majority didn't win! God burned them to the ground, and those cities, to this day, cannot be found.
Any country that allows practice of this abomination will be condemned. The Roman Empire, for example, was the most powerful force in the earth in it's day. It was also in operation in Jesus' day. That empire fell, but it was not because of military loss as much as it was because of perversion which went into the ranks of both soldiers and leaders. Today they are passing laws to where they will be sure that they will get them in our soldiers ranks, and our leaders ranks. They are doing it so that it will break down the morality that God endued us with.
I want to deal with you about the marriage contract, the marriage vows, and some of the things that are expected of women, and some of the things that are expected of men. If you don't get along with your spouse, how in the world can you claim to get along with God? The Bible declares in I John 4:20, "If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?" The greatest commandment in the Bible is declared in Matthew 22:37, "Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind." Look at Verse 38-39: "This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself."
The Bible says that men ought to love their wives as they love themselves. We ought to love them also as we love our own bodies. Now, you say, Well, I treat her well, because I do this, and I do that. If you mash your finger, and it hurts, you will tend to it right now, but if she mashes her finger you say, Well, go get it fixed, and come back and tell me how it is doing. Do you do that, or do you help her tend to it right now, if you happen to be available?
This is the difference that we find. Many people today, even in so-called Christian marriages, are in "co-habitation," but they are not in "marriage." They may have signed, and they may have made vows before the Lord and men, but they are not genuinely "married." They are still under obligation to God, because they are married in His sight, but they are just "living together." They started out with their first love, or their first reason for coming together, but we find that down the road (short or long time) they wished that they had never laid eyes on them; this thing is not of God.
If you are a Christian, and you are single, don't you even consider for one split second marrying a sinner or a backslider! Not for one minute do you consider it! Don't even date sinners or backsliders, because you would be headed for trouble. Dating generally means that you are checking them out, checking to see if they would be compatible for marriage. That's what dating basically is. Therefore, there is no reason for a Christian to date a sinner, and there is no reason for a Christian to be around a backslider, to date them. This goes for men or women. Don't think that later you are going to win them to God.
I don't know how many marriages that I have seen where a Christian has dated a sinner, and they thought that they would go to church, or they would comply to their wishes, and they would convert them after they were married. No, you are just burnt, and you are trying to find somebody real quick before you fall into sin. You had better pray through, and don't marry a sinner. I have seen time and time again where Christians married sinners, and they nearly lost God themselves. I have seen many that did lose God. I see many that are split households, and their children are looking to Daddy one minute, and Mommy the next, wondering who is right. The children have to decide if Mom is right, or if Dad is right. They shouldn't have to make that decision!
Many people married while they were in sin. As one of you gets saved, then you are to pray and seek the face of the Lord, that God would bring the other one in. You don't nag them or harass them, but you pray for them. If they threaten you, or do anything outside of the Word of the Lord just continue to pray quietly. Don't give them a fit; just go on with God, and God will do what He has to do. He will either save them, or kill them. How can someone that is overflowing with the Holy Ghost can lay down in the same bed with a devil? Folks, it doesn't last very long! If one in a marriage is a child of God who is pressing in to God, generally the other one, if they are not pressing on, or aren't particularly interested, will start behaving like a devil. They don't like it when you pass them spiritually, because it makes them jealous, be they man or woman. It is usually worse with men, because they think that they run everything. If you are walking with God, you have a right to run it, but if you aren't, then you don't really have that right.
The man is the head of the house, but if the man won't do his job, the woman will take over. Now, a lot of men are trying to lord themselves over as being the stronger one of the house, but if you don't belong to Jesus, you are a weakling, and a sap, and a sucker for the devil. The wife has got more on the bean than you, if she is living for God, and you aren't. Consequently, wife, if you have a husband who is trying to live for God, he's trying to rule over you with the power of God, not the power of himself. Therefore, you should honor and reverence him.
Now, I'm going to try to keep it as brief as I can, and still hit every possible topic on marriage that I can in a short span. Many people who claim to be Christians are miserable in their marriage. It might be the other person's fault, or it might be theirs, or it might be a little of both. I rarely see couples where it is only one person's fault, and the other one is not at fault. There is usually plenty of trouble to go around for both. One may be more overt, but the other one usually gets even along the way.
If someone wants a great ministry with the Lord, or wants to do anything for God, or even make heaven their home, how in the world are you going to do it if you are still mad at your spouse? The Bible declares in Ephesians 4:26, "Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath:" Yet, you would be surprised at the millions of couples tonight that are going to go to bed tonight, and go ahead and sleep together, but are still mad at one another. Maybe from five minutes ago, or maybe from fifty years ago, but they are going to go to bed mad at one another. There is always going to be something there. This is a device and working of the devil. The devil does not want your marriage to work. He does not want your union to be one in the Lord. He wants to keep it split, and if he can keep it split, then he has authority, to some degree, over your household, and you cannot work in unity. The believing spouse must go to someone else to be in agreement in the Lord. It is usually a friend, co-worker, or another Christian. Yet, a more powerful force of agreement is a man and wife praying together in the Lord, because then they are not only one spirit in the Lord, but they are also one flesh. Great things can happen with a praying couple. This is why the devil comes with jealousy, and envy, and strife: to keep confusion and every evil work among you so that you can't pray miracles down.
Malachi 2:13 says, "And this have ye done again, covering the altar of the LORD with tears, with weeping, and with crying out, insomuch that he regardeth not the offering any more, or receiveth it with good will at your hand." In other words, here you are again back at the altar crying and wailing, or maybe in your prayer closet saying, Oh God, why not this, and why not that? God do this, and God do that. However, God is not listening, nor answering. Why not? Let us look at Verse 14 which says, "Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the LORD hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant." Verse 15 says, "And did not he make one? Yet had he the residue of the spirit. And wherefore one? That he might seek a godly seed. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth."
Treacherously, means unreliable or violating faith and trust. Sometimes a wife can ask something of the husband, and she can be almost sure in her mind that he isn't going to do it! He might say, Yes dear, but go on and not do it, and she knows it. That is where nagging comes in! The wife starts nagging, because she figures that she would have to tell him more than once, so she can literally drive him to do it. A lot of men don't like the way their wives nag, so once in a while they should do something for them so they won't nag. Women, quit nagging, or else he is going to buck and kick against you to spite you, because he doesn't want you to nag him.
God says that he will fight you if you deal treacherously, or deceitfully, or in a way that is not according to God's Word with your wife. If a man is having trouble getting gains with God, he should look around to see if he is getting along with his wife. If a woman can't get along with her husband, how in the world does she expect to get along with God? If you expect to be able to rule in the house of God (be a deacon, or an elder, or a preacher, or an evangelist, or an apostle, or a prophet, or anything else in the house of God) you must handle your own house well. If you men can't handle your bride well, then how in the world can you expect to lead the bride of God? 1 Timothy 3:5 says, "For if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?"
Verse 16 says, "For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for one covereth violence with his garment, saith the LORD of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously." Putting away means divorce. Putting away also means pushing them aside, and defrauding them the things that are rightfully theirs as a spouse. God says that he hates putting away. God doesn't say that he hates too many things in the Bible, but there are a few things that God comes out and says, "I hate." One of them is "putting away," a divorce.
A divorce is more than just a divorce written out on a piece of paper, Here you are; let's separate our goods; it can be in your heart. Folks, out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh, and when it comes out of the mouth enough, it will come to pass. It has to be formed in the heart first, so when you have animosity even beginning to form in your heart against your spouse, God says to get it out. The Holy Ghost lives in there, and don't tell me that he doesn't know what you are thinking, and pondering in your heart.
Now, a lot of people would say that their husband is a jerk, so therefore they treat him just the way he treats them. Well, that makes two jerks, doesn't it? The Bible says in Proverbs 15:1, "A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger." If you have trouble with anger, you need to get set free. The Bible says in Ecclesiastes 7:9, "Be not hasty in thy spirit to be angry: for anger resteth in the bosom of fools." What about the person receiving the brunt of that wrath? Again, the Bible says in Proverbs 15:1, "A soft answer turneth away wrath. . . ."
It is hard to speak softly to someone who is in your face screaming, especially when they are wrong, and you know that they are wrong. So, what do you do? All you can do is pray. You mean I can't get back at them? Well, if God says that you can't get back at your neighbor, what in the world makes you think that you have license to go around beating on your wife or husband? We give excuses to the neighbor because we say, I don't have to live with them, I can just let them go on. I can forgive them because I don't have to deal with them, but I have to live with my spouse. You are not as quick to forgive your spouse as you are a friend. You aren't as quick to forgive them as you might be to forgive someone else that you respect, such as your Mom or Dad. You aren't as quick to forgive them as you are your sister or brother. It is harder for a husband and wife to forgive each other these days than it is for those same two individual people to forgive anybody else in the world. After all, you think that because you have been so good to them, how dare them treat you that way. All the while, the devil is putting the same thoughts in the head of the one you are living with. This is dealing treacherously with your spouse.
God says in Malachi 2:13 that the reason many prayers are not answered is that you are at war with your spouse. If you are saved, and your spouse is not, then you are living for God, and they are living for the devil, but you don't have to be at war with the individual. You are at war with the devil that is in them. However, understand something. 1 John 4:4 says, ". . . greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world." You are not to fight and war with them, else how are you going to win them? They may be at odds with you, and they may chew on you, but you be still. This is a hard thing, but you have to do it. Psalms 46:10 says, "Be still, and know that I am God. . . ."
Some husbands and wives know how to work vengeance, don't they! It doesn't take much imagination to know how they can do it. Nevertheless, God says in Romans 12:19, "Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord."
Now, we know how people can keep one another apart. They say, I'm mad at you; don't touch me, or they play deaf when you try to tell them something that you consider important. In return you play deaf when they are trying to tell you something that they think is important. The devil will laugh you both straight into hell if you aren't careful. Somebody has to stand up and say, Enough is enough. I'm going to live for God. If your spouse doesn't, then you say, I love you dear, but I'm going to go right on for Jesus. I'm going to press on for Jesus. You don't have to be mean to them. A wife might say, You mean to tell me that I need to cook a good meal for that old backslid, hard-hearted husband, as I would cook for him after he gets born again? Yes. Should you treat that nagging wife the same way that you would treat her should she get born again, real, on fire, and come to have the same zeal you have for God? Should you treat her just as nice? Yes. There is no reason for treating anybody bad. There is no excuse for treating bad the one with whom you are one flesh!
The Bible says in Matthew 19:4-6, "And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder."
Verse 8 says, "He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so." It was not God's intention for people to divorce. When people divorce, the children are scattered like wheat in the wind. This thing is not of God; He said that he hates "putting away." If you are not getting along with your spouse, then you are courting with the devil! You may say, Well, I'm a child of God! A child of God should be able to represent him or her self as a witness of Jesus Christ. If you are really saved, then you should treat your wife with honor and dignity, and you should treat your husband with reverence, as unto the Lord.
If you want to understand more about how marriage should work, then look at Christ in the church. First, let's go to I Peter 3:1, "Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;" You are supposed to be in subjection to your own husband, not somebody else's husband. Isn't it interesting the way that he worded that? God knows everything, doesn't He? I know some women who are supposed to be Christians, who aren't winning their husbands by their conversation: how they talk, how they behave in front of him, and how they behave in front of the children or anybody. Unsaved husbands can actually be saved, won by the conversation of their wives.
Look at Verse 2 which says, "While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear." This is the fear of the Lord. When they see that, they are going to say, There is something that woman has, and I've got to have it. They might chew on you day and night, but have you noticed that sometimes an unsaved husband will call from work and say, So and so got hurt. Would you pray, Dear? I know of women right now whose husbands are living for the devil. They fight them, and chew on them, but their husbands will call when it's time for prayer.
Now, let's look at verse 3: "Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel;" That does some good, but look in Verse 4 at what really moves a man toward God's Spirit: "But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price." You would be amazed at how a quiet mannered woman will draw men like a magnet. The only kind of women that men go to that are domineering, arrogant, overbearing, or contentious, are prostitutes, because they are dominant and they flaunt themselves, drawing men. However, you don't see one of those men being interested in marrying them!
Proverbs, Chapter 31, is a tremendous place to find out about a virtuous woman. She should have the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit. God says it's of great price and valuable. That is exactly the same kind of spirit that Jesus Christ has. Jesus Christ can win the husband through the wife if the husband is an unbeliever, or if he is just cold.
Look at Verse 5: "For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement." Now, you aren't going to find a modern day wife calling their husbands "lord." Sarah called Abraham lord because he was working with, and walking with God. Right now husbands are poking their wives in the ribs and saying, I can see you calling me lord! Wives are poking their husbands back, and are saying, I can see you walking like Abraham, too! If you walked like Abraham, she might call you lord!
Verse 6 says, ". . . whose daughters ye are. . . ." In other words, you are the daughters of Sarah by faith, as long as you do well. Verse 7 says, "Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered."
The men may say, I don't have to do anything, and you have to do everything, and call me lord. Wrong, again! In the above verse it says, ". . . according to knowledge." You have the knowledge of the Word of God. The husband is to honor the wife, if you go God's way. If you don't go God's way, then how are you going to make heaven? If a man will not be kind to his wife, God will not hear his prayer! If a man won't do what he is supposed to do for his wife, then God says that it hinders your prayers.
Some get down and say, Oh God, anoint me with faith and power, so I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. However, God tells you to get your relationship right with your wife! You say, Well, I'll get to that Lord, but right now I want faith and power. God will still tell you to get your relationship with your wife straightened out! You say, But Lord, I want to be anointed with faith and power! God lets us know that we must straighten it out at home, or He will not even let you go to heaven, much less cast out devils, heal the sick, and raise the dead! Can being at odds with your spouse keep you out of heaven? No sin goes to heaven, so you need to be ready and striving for the mark when you pass on.
Have you ever noticed that sometimes the spouse will get along good on the outside, but when they come in, BOOM! They will get right on top of you, and say that they had a bad day at the office, or at school, and they will eat you alive! It was Those guys at work, or Those women at work! You had no idea that they had a bad day, but when you got home, you found out! You shouldn't eat anybody up, especially at home!
Many people are sick and afflicted, because they are tormented by their spouse. Many are sick and afflicted, because they have hatred in their heart, whether they know it or not, against their spouse. Their physical body can't take it, and they are breaking down. 1 Corinthians 7:14 says, "For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy." If one spouse is living right then her children are sanctified and kept holy. However, if that one spouse who is a believer has animosity against the other spouse, the curse can come right on in and take your kids over!
Now, the husband is the head of the house. A husband may strut around and say that he is boss, and that you had better bend the knee. However, when sickness, and disease, and affliction, and torment, and bondage come into the house, they are going to come to the head first. They will say, Husband, I want to get to your wife and kids, so may I? Of course, any normal guy would say, No, you can't have them. Will he say it while he belches and looks between his toes at the television, rather than being in godly prayer, making sure that everything is covered? The devil walks right on in, and family members get sick, and maybe the husband also. This is the way it works.
It is no "peaches and cream" to be the head. The wife doesn't feel like she should be subject to someone. There are some things that the wife is not accountable for, but the husband is. Responsibility has been perverted and so changed in today's modern world that people don't know who is what, when, where or why. When it comes to responsibility the men are rejoicing and saying, Glory! The women have just as much responsibility as me! Yet, when it comes to authority, the men say, Now, wait a minute, I'm boss.
Let me tell you something: authority doesn't come without responsibility first. If you are not responsible and under authority of Almighty God, you have no right to claim being the head of anything. If you are living the life, you won't have to make your wife be subject to you; she will gladly be subject to you, because you are worth being subject to. Otherwise, she is going to kick, and the kids are going to kick! The girls in the house are going to watch how Mom behaves towards Dad, and the boys in the house are going to watch how Dad behaves towards Mom. You see, you are teaching them how to be married!
People wonder why that in the second, third, and fourth generations there is divorce. The third generation usually doesn't want anything at all to do with God, because they are sick of Him, they are sick of the people that He puts out, they are sick of the marriage contract, and they go shack up. That means to live out from under the covering of marriage with somebody because they are sick of religion. They need to see Christ in you, the Hope of Glory! Folks, the best preaching ground that you have is under the roof where you live. Now, it doesn't mean that somebody can't have a great work of God if their spouse is fighting them. Be sure that you don't let, for one second, the reason they are fighting you be your fault! If you are living for God, and it is making them mad, that is not your fault.
In Ephesians 5 it shows the marriage between Christ and the church, the "bride," the Body of Christ, and also between husband and wife. You can be talking about Christ and the church, or you can be talking about the man and his wife in this particular part of Ephesians 5. Marriage is not a physical only contract, although it does include that. It is a very deep, spiritual contract. Marriage is an holy institution of God, more holy and serious than people realize. It can make your life wonderful, or it can make your life miserable.
Ephesians 5:21 says, "Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God." This is talking about fellow Christians. In other words, you don't want to offend anyone, and you want to do for them all that you can. Why would you do that for your fellow Christian, but you wouldn't do that for your spouse? Maybe you have your limits. . .
Ephesians 5:22 says, "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord." Look at that word "own," again. When a woman submits herself to her own husband, she is doing it as unto the Lord. If the husband is a decent sort, she can be subject to him, and it's not too difficult. However, in the case of some men, you would have to be doing it as unto the Lord, because some men are real jerks. I not just talking about sinners or backslid people. I'm talking about Christians too, because sometimes they act like jerks. Yet, the wife still has to do it as unto the Lord.
In fact, the Bible says in Colossians 3:22-23, "Servants, obey in all things your masters according to the flesh; not with eyeservice, as menpleasers; but in singleness of heart, fearing God: And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men;"
The next thing that's going to come out after this is that the husband is going to say the wife, Yeah, I heard Brother Kevin preach that, and the only reason that you are being nice to me is because he said that God said that you have to! You poor thing. Look at this in Ephesians 5:23: "For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body." As Christ is the saviour of the body, the husband is the saviour of the wife. In other words, you are supposed to protect that woman. That is not just talking about when a thief comes in, or somebody attacks her physically, it is talking about sickness, disease, and bondage of any kind. If it is something that comes in that can hurt her physically, or in her soul, or anything else, the husband is required to be the saviour of the body just like Jesus is the saviour of the church. It goes hand in hand, one with the other.
You would be surprised how many men abuse their own bodies by beating on their wives. You should be man enough to walk out when she makes you that mad. The wife is the weaker vessel, and that is why you give honor to her; she can't whip you. In most cases the wife couldn't whip the husband, nor one side of him. Yet he could tie one arm behind his back, and beat her to death. The man is stronger than the woman, but he should never use that. If you have to keep a woman under subjection by fear and force like that, you aren't "married." You would be surprised at so-called Christian men, who claim to have the power of God in their lives, who threaten their wives with damnation if they don't line up with them; it is the same thing.
Now, let's go on. Ephesians 5:24 says, "Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing." Underline "every thing," dear. Don't categorize what you do like or don't like, or what you appreciate or don't appreciate. The Bible says, "every thing." Someone might say, Well, that is the only tool I have, to be selective. I'm not telling you to go without your feelings, but I am telling you not to manipulate, because it is a guarantee that your sins will find you out! We have to do it like Christ would do it.
If you want to study how to be subject to Christ, ladies, study the church, the law of the Lord, and what we are suppose to do. Men, if you want to know how to be the head of the wife, study Jesus Christ, and then there won't be anybody hurt on either side. He won't be abusive, and she won't be neglectful, if they do it God's way.
Ephesians 5:25 says, "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;" You would be surprised how many husbands wouldn't even give her five minutes, let alone his life. If you talk bad to your wife, you sin. If you threaten your wife, you sin. If you threaten to leave your wife, you sin. You are to love your wife like Jesus loved the church. Do you want to know how to love your wife? Then study Jesus. What you are hearing is the truth.
You can be abusive to your wife physically, or you can be abusive to your wife verbally. The wives have to forgive them, but the husband needs to clean up his act. Some husbands are abusive, and then they wonder why the wife isn't tender to them anymore! They wonder why they don't respect them anymore. If you treat a person like a dog, how do you expect them to behave toward you? Do you want them to be your little passion buddy? Then why don't you send them some flowers every once in a while? Why don't you treat them like a human being? Why don't you treat them like somebody special, not just another female?
I don't claim to have everything in line with my wife yet, but I'm learning some things out of the Bible. Let me tell you, it isn't anything like it used to be before we got saved! It was getting rougher, and rougher, and I knew we were headed for the rocks. She would tell the same. We were lost and undone, and there was no way that our marriage would last without Jesus Christ. Somebody is probably saying, You mean to tell me that your marriage is based on the Lord instead of your own desires, and your own passion? Yes, and you would be surprised how quickly those other things can come after Jesus Christ takes over. Don't forget, sweetheart, that God invented it all! The devil didn't invent anything, he just perverted it.
When you are saved, you treat one another better. You begin to talk to one another like human beings. You begin to confide in one another like you should, and they can trust you to keep your mouth shut when they do confide in you. Wives, don't tell your husband's confidences to your girlfriends, and husbands, don't tell the guys in the locker room her confidences. Folks, Jesus Christ is what makes things right, not your own will.
Jesus Christ gave his life for the church. Why? Ephesians 5:26 says, "That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word," Did you know it is the husband's business, if he is living his part, to keep the wife straight? He is to pray over her, and make sure she doesn't sin. Ephesians 5:27 says, "That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish." This is the husband's job for the wife. No wonder the wife is supposed to reverence the husband; he is trying to make her right before the Lord.
Jesus is presenting his bride, a glorious church, unto the Father. If a husband is right before the Lord, he is trying to present his wife and his children to God. Whole families all grouping together make up the wonderful body of Christ, a wonderful and glorious church!
There should be none of these wise crack jokes such as, Well, take my wife, please. That has become a synonym with living in this world today. One of the comedian's greatest tools of joking is the marriage, and we laugh at it, but it plants seeds, and now people are laughing at what God is cringing at concerning marriage.
Ephesians 5:28 says, "So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself." Many husbands treat their wives terribly, and you find a lot of wives who treat their husbands terribly. They hate themselves, and they hate the world, and they hate everything. Another reason not to marry sinners is that they have problems from previous troubles. Unless they truly get saved, and everything is under the blood, don't you marry them, and don't you touch them. If you do marry a sinner, I guarantee that they will bring those problems home with you, and then they will be yours, because you have become one.
Men ought to love their wives as their own bodies. You are to protect her, and stand up for her. You'd be surprised how many people won't stand up for their own spouse. Others get mad when they do stand up for them! Some say, Look, can't you straighten out your husband (or wife)? and you may reply, There isn't anything wrong with my husband (or wife). I am praying for them, and I'm believing God. Some people automatically assume that they are not going to stand with their spouse, because they think they are close minded if they automatically stand with their husband or wife. Thank God for people who will stand for their husband or wife, and then go home and say, Honey, I heard something bad about you, and I need to know. Then is the time to talk to them, and if they said they didn't say or do the thing, then you believe them, and go on. You say, Well, what if they lied to me? Then that is their problem!
People should trust their spouses. I'm not talking about just jealousy over looking at someone else. There are people in the Mall all the time, and some of them aren't properly clothed. A husband may glance at a woman that has almost nothing on in the middle of summer, and his wife screams at him for it. If a man did the same thing, would you look at him? I'm not talking about staring, and lusting, and making plans for a date later on. I'm talking about your spouse looking and saying, My! That is terrible! and then turning away. You need to give them the benefit of the doubt. I mean, if an elephant walks through the Mall, you are going to glance at him, aren't you? That elephant doesn't belong in the Mall. Well, that nearly naked woman or man doesn't belong there either, but they are there, and you are going to notice something that is out of order. Don't get mad at somebody for being human and looking. Now, if they sit there and stare, and their tongue starts hanging out, you have reason to start wondering about them!
Some wives are so jealous that if a woman talks to or looks at her husband, he can't even look at her because his wife will eat him alive when he gets home, or vise versa. When they get home, the spouse says, You were lusting after them! and the other spouse says, What? I didn't even see them! They didn't do anything. It was the devil of jealousy working! You are the one who is bound, not them. I've had people come to the altar, and the spouse was terrified of what we were talking about; like we were going to make a date at God's altar! That is sick, and you need the devil cast out or off of you. Jealousy is the rage of a man, and he doesn't think clearly when that spirit is on him. Get it right, or you can't go to heaven.
Ephesians 5:29 says, "For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:" Normally, people don't go around cutting off their arms and legs. They are going to preserve them. If you hurt these things, then you are going to find somebody to help you. If your spouse is hurting in some form or another, do you call around and say, You need to help me pray for my wife (or husband). They are hurting. Many just say, Tough. That's their problem. After all, you know how they are. Well, maybe they are that way, but maybe it is because of you!
It says here in Ephesians 5:30, "For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones." A married man and woman are two people, but shall be one flesh. Verse 31 says, "For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh." Dear wife, you are married to your husband, not Momma and Daddy! His opinion counts now, and their's doesn't! Momma's and Daddy's opinion left when you married him. You are in a marriage contract with him, and that means that you are going to listen to him. He, and you, and God are going to talk about it, not Mom and Dad! Get yourself out of their house when you get married! Husbands, Momma and Daddy are not your boss! You would be surprised at the husbands or the wives that go home and consult with Momma and Daddy to see if husband or wife is right or not!
Some people do that until Momma and Daddy die! Then what are you going to do? I've seen people get married, and their best friend is still over there telling them how to run the husband, or how to run the wife. They say, Well, if she was mine, or if he was mine, this is what I would do. Then the friends get together and come into an agreement, rather than the husband and wife being in agreement. The devil is laughing his head off at you. Some guys would say, You mean to tell me that you actually brought your wife flowers and candy! Man, I don't do that except on anniversaries, and then not every time. They make fun of a man if he is gracious to his wife.
Have you ever seen married people in public? Go ahead, and watch around here in the Midwest Bible belt. Go to a function of any kind; I don't care if it's a ball game or a chili supper. Watch how the husbands and wives behave around one another in public, especially if they know everybody there. They make comments like, Go ahead, you old battle ax, you can make it yourself. People say, Oh, that is only normal. You had better read the Word of God, and find out how to treat them! More marriages are failing than sticking it out these days.
Ephesians 5:32-33 says, "This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband." You would be surprised at how many women would love and reverence their husbands if their husbands would honor and love them! I've got some shocking news for everybody! If you treat your spouse decently, according to the Word of God, they will treat you decently in return. If you are a jerk, they are going to be stand-offish at the least, or they may come back at you like a jerk. What a revelation! Do you wonder why they are so cold toward you? It could be because you act like a jerk! How did you treat them when you were courting them?
Jesus told the church in Revelations 2:4, "Nevertheless I have somewhat against thee, because thou hast left thy first love." The husband and the wife have left their first love. You don't court me anymore. You don't think me special anymore. You used to just gaze in one another's eyes! You would court them, and bring them stuff. You would call them on the phone, and they were yours. You would do silly things together, such as pick flowers, or whatever. You ought to see two people courting; it's pathetic! However, when they get married, it's all over! Now, if you see a man bringing his wife flowers, it's usually on her grave! After all, you want the neighbors to think well of you and say, Oh, he loved his wife. I want to know what he did for her all of their living years!
There is something else. When a couple has an argument, and one comes to apologize, you have to forgive them! If you don't forgive them, God won't forgive you! Are you listening?
Now, quickly go with me to I Corinthians 7:1. It says, "Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman." He is talking about single people. The best way to not get hot and flustered is not to handle the merchandise! If you don't want to get to lusting after an automobile, stay out of the dealer lots! If you can't contain your flesh, don't turn the T.V. on, because that thing is full of it!
Now, Verse 2 says, "Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband." Fornication means sex out of marriage, which is sin. You will go to hell for that. Verse 3 says, "Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband." Now, what do they mean by that? We are going to read a little further, so you can't play dumb. Verse 4: "The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife." Is it getting a little clearer? God doesn't stop there. Verse 5 says, "Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency." The husband's body belongs to his wife, and the wife's body belongs to her husband. I don't want anybody to miss this point! Christian, this is a strong device that many have used to manipulate the spouse! You sin if you do! The husband's body belongs to his wife, and the wife's body belongs to her husband. If you can't handle that, don't get married! If you can't handle a contract, don't come under a contract! Defraud means to freeze them out, and you sin if you freeze them out. One may say, Well, I have a health problem. The Bible says in James 5:16, "Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much." Let's pray that you may be healed.
If you want to hold off from one another, it's by mutual consent. In Verse 5 it says "with consent." That means that both of you agree to do it. You can do it for a time of fasting and prayer, setting yourself aside for the Lord, but come together again relatively soon, so that Satan will not tempt you for your incontinency. One of the descriptions of the last day perilous times, is that people would be incontinent. I'm talking about where they just don't hold to their end of the contract. They are labeled along with what 2 Timothy 3:2-5 says, "For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God; Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away."
Many husbands have raped there wives, and that is sin. Many wives have harassed and humiliated their husbands, and that is sin. Don't think you are going to get along very well after that, whether it was once or numerous times. You should treat each other with respect and honor. You say, Well, what's the big deal? I mean, for crying out loud, anybody would want to be together. I mean, that is a normal function. The devil can take it away, just like that! Many people have come together and got married because they are so hot for one another, that they couldn't stay away from one another. They got married to keep from sinning. Don't marry a sinner. Somewhere down the road, suddenly they will just freeze you out, and it has been known to go on for years.
It may be that one or both of you had an unclean devil. A lust devil sometimes runs with the unclean devil. When a lust spirit is operating, it is all "GO," but the same spirit can be all "NO," and he can shut a person down. They won't think anything more about it than belching! In other words, they cease to function. That is the work of a devil. If you won't, then it's the work of the flesh, and it's still sin. If you can't, then it's the work of the devil, either physically or spiritually. God can set you free.
A lot of people manipulate one another. They say, I'm going to defraud you if you don't give me my way. That is sin; that is wrong. If you can't win them to do something, you are not going to win them by doing that, because you are holding something over them. They don't love or respect you for that. You are going to find that the time you spend together is tainted with the fact that one or both are being bought, used, or manipulated. That is not true love, and your spouse is going to be against you, even though they may not say so. You are going to have all kinds of problems.
Now, I Corinthians 7:6 says, "But I speak this by permission, and not of commandment." You may say, Oh, those first five verses are by permission; God didn't tell him that. It is in the Bible, and it means not the first five; it means the next three (7-9): "For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that. I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I.
But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn." Now, Paul was a eunuch for Christ; in other words, he never married. Verse 9 is what he is talking about "speaking by permission." Then he goes back to the Lord again in Verse 10: "And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband:" See, he goes back to the Lord there. It doesn't mean that those three there aren't of the Lord, because they are in the Bible, but there is some leeway there. He said that he wouldn't mind if all of you were eunuchs. However, he didn't do it by commandment, because God never commanded all of us to abstain from marriage. He wants us to be married and populate the earth.
I want you to read something in Numbers Chapter 30, that shows the seriousness of being the head of the house, over the children, and over the wife. Men do not take the headship seriously, and I want to show you the ability that God has placed in a man, and why the wife should reverence him if he is walking with God. Now, it's going to hard for a wife to reverence a man that is not living for God! By rights, a godly woman should reverence her husband as much as she can, and as much as he will let her, as she tries to win him over with her chaste conversation. However, you can't expect anything without a price. 2 Corinthians 1:20 says, "For all the promises of God in him are yea, and in him Amen, unto the glory of God by us." This is if you live for God. However, if you don't live for God, or if you back up in any point—and these aren't all the points—you cannot expect a full blessing of God.
Now, go to Numbers 30:1-2 which says, "And Moses spake unto the heads of the tribes concerning the children of Israel, saying, This is the thing which the LORD hath commanded. If a man vow a vow unto the LORD, or swear an oath to bind his soul with a bond; he shall not break his word, he shall do according to all that proceedeth out of his mouth." This is "vow and pay," amen? It is better not to vow, than to vow and not pay. This can cover a lot of subjects, but I'm going to show you the importance of a headship. Verse 3 says, "If a woman also vow a vow unto the LORD, and bind herself by a bond, being in her father's house in her youth;" In other words, this is a girl before she is married; she is living under her dad's headship. He's head of the house, and he's a godly man, not a sinner. Verse 4 says, "And her father hear her vow, and her bond wherewith she hath bound her soul, and her father shall hold his peace at her: then all her vows shall stand, and every bond wherewith she hath bound her soul shall stand." Well, that's sounds normal, but look what can happen if he is a godly man, and she vows again. Verse 5 says, "But if her father disallow her in the day that he heareth; not any of her vows, or of her bonds wherewith she hath bound her soul, shall stand: and the LORD shall forgive her, because her father disallowed her."
This is where a girl is under the headship of her dad. This scripture applies to a saved dad that knows God, is straight with God, and is pressing in with God. Let's say a daughter is not lining up, and she's in rebellion, and she says, I swear, if I ever get out of here, I'm going to live for the devil. When the father learns of this, all he has to do is say, I rebuke the devil that brought that, and I reject and disallow that vow, in the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, and the devil will lift off of her even though she willfully said it. Isn't that wonderful? This says the father can do this as long as she is in her father's house, and this is past the age of accountability; she knows what she is doing. A father, if he is living for God, can actually bind the thing off, and keep her from getting damned. It pays to be a godly Dad.
It also pays to be a godly husband. Verse 6-8 says, "And if she had at all an husband, when she vowed, or uttered ought out of her lips, wherewith she bound her soul; And her husband heard it, and held his peace at her in the day that he heard it: then her vows shall stand, and her bonds wherewith she bound her soul shall stand. But if her husband disallowed her on the day that he heard it; then he shall make her vow which she vowed, and that which she uttered with her lips, wherewith she bound her soul, of none effect: and the LORD shall forgive her."
Here is a case where a believing husband who is living for God can intercede for his wife. If he has a wife that begins to curse, and to vow, and to swear, and fight against God he can say, I disallow that in the name of Jesus. Then God will forgive her. Now, here is the wonderful thing. The New Covenant is founded under even better promises, and we find that in Christ Jesus, there is neither male nor female. Therefore, the believing wife can do the same thing that the man can do, in these days. How do we know that? The Bible says in I Corinthians 7:14, "For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy."
Folks, we need to study God's Word more fully. In it are the issues of life: day to day life; married life; family life; godly life. We see, then, that God's Word must be our guide in every facet of our lives, including personal relationships. By obeying God's Word, we bring harmony and joy into our lives that would not be possible otherwise. Now! Make the necessary changes!
© Living Hope Fellowship, Inc.